 (photo via Wool Felt Company UK) It's been three years since I've seen my mother. It was three years ago that I sat down with her over lunch in a restaurant to listen to her heart, and to discuss all that I had poured out in a letter to her about how her abuse towards me had negatively impacted my life, and my desire for us to move forward healthily. I met up with my mom with the hopes of finding reconciliation because I had finally found it in my heart to forgive her. My hopes for reconciliation were refuted and it stung. True and sincere reconciliation can only be had when we face the truth of our past abuse. Confessing and acknowledging how we've been wronged and/or how we've wronged another is what brings healing to the shame and distortions we've carried, and paves the way for appropriate relationships to be established. On the other hand, when there is no acknowledgement (no talking, no feeling, and no dealing) and no owning of responsibilities (denial, justification, rationalization, minimization, and blame shifting), authentic reconciliation cannot be had. In fact, firm boundaries are necessary to be put into place. In my case, I do not see my mother (or step-father) at all. I haven't only been grieving the loss of my mother for three years, I have been grieving the loss of the mother I never had and deserved. It has taken me over thirty years to accept this loss and move on. And it's in this moving on that I have discovered that I am not completely motherless. I do have a mother--many mothers in fact. You see, I discovered that having a mother doesn't require being genetically related. Family does not always have to share your blood. Sometimes the closest people to you aren't necessarily related to you. Sometimes the ones that love you, see you, and accept you the most are the people you simply live life with, even if it's only for a season. They are the people at your work, school, church, neighborhood, club, and community. So if you too are motherless, I write this to share that despite not having this significant relationship in your life, you are still loveable, acceptable, worthy, and significant. You can thrive. You can foster healthy relationships in your life. You can even mother well despite not feeling comfortable or natural in that role. You can be the mother that you never had and wanted to have to your own children. And when you've realized all these truths about yourself, let yourself be mothered and be that mother to someone else.  +++++++++++++++++
Chris is a wife and a stay at home mom of two children. She and her family enjoy hiking, kayaking, camping, playing games, and exploring new places together. Chris writes about marriage and parenting. She shares about her insights on her personal struggles with the intention that others might find validation, encouragement, and perspective. Read more from Chris here. +++++++++++++++++
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 Neat freak?
Control issues? Yes! Hands up! You caught me. My epiphany came to me from a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. My son's persistence in asking to make his school lunch caught me off guard. He was given the choice to play legos with his sister or to watch me make his lunch, but he wanted neither choice. He had to make it himself. With reluctance, I consented. However, it was in this very moment I had the realization that I was doing too much for my kids and therefore, stunting their growth to responsibility, independence, and taking pride in their own work. I was stunned that he was perfectly capable of making his own lunch--a beautiful PBJ sandwich with a fruit, a vegetable, and a dairy item. I guess five-year-olds aren't as little as they appear. "Why have I kept this responsibility from him?" I thought to myself. This was a loaded question with a myriad answers that led to more questions. This moment left me with four takeaways: 1. It's okay to be needed less (independence and responsibility is a gift!). 2. I need to let my kids make mistakes and fail, especially when the price of the consequences are cheap. 3. Check my attitude and consider what unintended messages I may be communicating ("I am [not] competent." "I am [not] responsible." "I am [not] progressing in my learned skills.") 4. Recognize that my gut reactions--which naturally find their roots from my upbringing--need some repairing (Am I being particular because I was not given the freedom to be creative? Am I controlling this because I am living in fear? Am I irritated because I am being reminded of someone? Am I annoyed because of a faulty message I was given as a child?). Growth is good. And so are PBJ’s. +++++++++++++ Chris is a wife and a stay at home mom of two children. She and her family enjoy hiking, kayaking, camping, playing games, and exploring new places together. Chris writes about marriage and parenting, and shares about her insights on her personal struggles with the intention that others might find validation, encouragement, and perspective. Read more posts from Chris here. +++++++++++++  Today we are excited to hear from a new contributor to the GoMomGo blog, Chris Tee. ************************** December. Gifts. I LOVE gifts! Who doesn't love receiving gifts? They certainly do stir up the happiness flutters in me. But like every other tangible gift received and exposed to every day, appreciation for it gets lost and the gift itself eventually becomes background; it becomes obsolete. Experiential gifts on the other hand affect us differently. They deliver a different kind of happiness--a more enduring happiness.
This will be our second year of giving experience gifts to our children. We are giving coupons for a fun local activities to do. For us it's a way of modeling appreciation for what we already have and recognizing how happiness cannot be found in acquiring more stuff. Here's to having less to experience more. ********************************** A few questions for Chris about her family's Experiential Gifts tradition: How did you decide what kinds of experiences to put on the tags? This year my husband and I randomly chose to give seven gifts that could be experienced in town. All the gifts foster connection, fun, conversation/discussion, and trust. Our experiential gifts this year are:
How do you give the tags? The tags will be placed in their stockings on Christmas Eve and will be discovered by the kids on Christmas morning. How did you make the tags? I found goodie bag tags in the holiday section at Walmart and used those but you could find a group of gift tags at lots of stores, write on them, and then embellish them. I included little drawings of each activity. Could you share an experience from when you did this last year? Last year's gift was a bit larger scaled. The kids were 2 and 5 and had no idea what Great Wolf Lodge was, they were simply happy to discover an embellished piece of card stock paper with a hand drawn wolf paw print in their stocking. We also threw in tiny gifts like chapstick and small crafts. We filled Christmas day with crafting, going on a walk along the river path, making Christmas pizza, and drinking hot chocolate. Great Wolf Lodge was a fun four-day family experience the following week, which was followed by a short stay in Portland to play at OMSI, play downtown, and visit the grandparents.  ********************************** Thanks so much for sharing with us, Chris! We love how this can be scaled up or down in terms of budget or time & how it can be tailored to any experience you'd like to have with your kiddos. We also love how the tags don't have to be super crafty or fancy. They can be, but what's written on them is the important part. Enjoying time together is wonderful! Some other Experiential Gift ideas we brainstormed:
Share your own idea in the comments! We love to hear what you think! +++++++++++++ Chris is a wife and a stay at home mom of two children. She and her family enjoy hiking, kayaking, camping, playing games, and exploring new places together. Chris writes about marriage and parenting, and shares about her insights on her personal struggles with the intention that others might find validation, encouragement, and perspective. Read more posts from Chris here. |
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